9 WAYS TO KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE HEALTHY

Day 2:  Have a financial plan

 

Nearly 40 percent of married people admit to lying to their spouse about a purchase, according to a 2004 poll, and money woes can quickly send your marriage south. In fact, money is the number-one reason couples fight, and relationships tend to suffer during poor economies. You should discuss and agree upon some hard financial ground rules, preferably before you tie the knot.
Don't fret if you're a spendthrift and your partner pinches pennies.
"It's probably not a good thing to have the exact same philosophy about money, " says Ken Robbins, M.D., a clinical professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin--Madison. "But financial issues are best to resolve early on. You want to decide who is going to pay the bills, how much discretionary spending is reasonable, and how you're going to keep track of it all."

9 WAYS TO KEEP YOUR MARRIAGE HEALTHY

Today starts a series of 9 ways to keep your marriage healthy.  We will cover one way per day.  Please feel free to comment as we all can learn from one another.

DAY 1:

1. Watch your waistline
Now that you're married, you can finally relax and skip the gym, right? Wrong. Wedded couples tend to have fatter waistlines, which can spell trouble in terms of sexual attraction and general health.

A 2007 study published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that your chances of becoming obese increase by 37 percent if your spouse becomes obese. So unless you want "till death do us part" to include chronic health issues like heart disease and diabetes, it's important to establish healthy eating habits early on.

But warding off weight gain isn't as simple as whipping up a healthy meal together. Eating with anyone -- from your spouse to coworker -- can cause you to consume 33 percent more than you would solo.
Being aware of the potential fatty pitfalls of marital bliss may be enough to keep your portion sizes in check. Spend couple time checking out local farmers' markets on the weekends in an effort to consumer fresher, low-calorie fare. Or schedule an exercise date to work off some of your hearty, homemade dinners.


 

HOW TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE LAST, November 12^th, 2012

5 Ways to Show Appreciation.

 Everyone likes to feel appreciated. Don't wait for your anniversary or your spouse's birthday to let your mate know how grateful you feel to have your spouse in your life.

 Five Ways to Show Your Appreciation

 Author Karen Leland suggests the following five ways to show appreciation:

 •1. Be specific.

 •2. Make it about character.

 •3. Drop a line; draft a note.

 •4. Be sincere.

 •5. Turnaround is fair play.

 

Bottom line, on a regular basis, write a note that mentions something you admire or appreciate about your spouse. Keep it sincere, personal, and specific!

HOW TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE LAST, November 9^th, 2012

The Benefits of Walking Together:

 

The benefits of walking on a regular basis are well documented. Many walkers believe that walking is not only good for their hearts and bodies, walking is also good for their marriage.

 One step after another, walking together is a great way to connect with each other.

 

Reasons to Walk Together

• Walking is good exercise for both of you.

• Walking together gives the two of you some time alone, or if you take the kids with you, time outdoors as a family.

• Walking together provides time to talk to one another without the distraction of telephone, television, computer, etc.

• Walking together can reduce anxiety and make you feel calmer.

• Walking is good for your hearts.

• Walking can help you both lose weight.

• Walking can reduce any pain either of you may have in your lower-back.

• Aside from needing some comfortable walking shoes, walking is inexpensive.

HOW TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE LAST, November 8^th, 2012

HOW TO HAVE QUALITY TIME IN YOUR MARRIAGE:

Don't let your job or the kids or volunteer work or time with friends and extended family interfere with your marriage.

Many couples today find that being married doesn't guarantee that they will have quality time with one another. If you are both busy, you have to plan to spend time together. Here are some ideas.

Difficulty: Easy

Time Required: Varies

Here's How:

1.Schedule a weekend just for the two of you. Write it on your calendar, put it on your computer planner, etc. Don't change it for any other event. You don't have to go anywhere.

2.Have lunch together once a week. On nice days, meet in a park.

3.Let your children know that you two need time alone together. Tell them they can knock on your closed bedroom door only if there is blood.

4.Walk around the block together.

5.Do chores together like the dishes or weeding. It may not sound like quality time, but it can be.

6.When you are running errands together, turn off the radio or CD player in the car and talk with one another.

7.Take showers together.

8.Spend 20 minutes a day in daily dialogue.

9.Arrange for a quiet evening at home alone once a month.

10.Hire a babysitter to watch the kids for a couple hours even though you are home. This works wonders!

11.Work out a deal with another couple to have them watch your kids overnight so you can have a romantic evening alone ... then you watch their children for them.

12.Schedule dates with one another. Having an evening or afternoon out together twice a month is a good beginning.

13.Volunteer to be a presenting couple on Marriage Encounter, Retrouvaille or Engaged Encounter weekends.

14.When you travel together, don't take work on the plane or road trip. Spend that time talking with each other.

15.Have a one night stand with each other.

HOW TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE LAST: November 7th, 2012 Simple Ways that Say I Love You

HOW TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE LAST: November 7^th, 2012

Ways to Say I Love You

 

The best ways to say "I love you" to your spouse are usually in simple, every day, seemingly unimportant ways.

Here are some suggestions on how to say “I love you” so that your love for one another goes on forever.

•Make sure you say "I Love You" at least once each day to your spouse.

•Write unexpected love notes.

•When your spouse asks for a favor, consider saying "as you wish."

•Give your mate an unexpected hug, a surprisingly romantic kiss, or a teasing tickle often.

•Be spontaneous and surprising with winking at each other, whisking your spouse away for an unexpected weekend alone, star-gazing together, taking a walk in the rain with one another.

•Share memories by looking at old photographs and talking about memories you share together.

•Schedule a day to just be leisurely together.

I’m happy to know that Darrell & I have done all of these things together & we continue these practices day in & day out.  I know he loves me by simple actions every day.  I am a lucky woman to have such an amazing man that is so thoughtful.  He respects our relationship and puts in first in his life just as God would have it.  These may seem like simple acts but they are HUGE acts of love that will make a difference in your relationship with your spouse.  Give them all a try today!

~Maria

HOW TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE LAST

MORE GREAT TIPS!

These aspects of marriage (not listed in any type of priority) are listed as necessary for a long lasting marriage.

 • Continue to build intimacy -- both sexually and emotionally -- throughout your marriage.

• Create passion for life and for one another.

• Forgive one another. Don't hang on to past baggage and past hurts. Be willing to let go and to move forward with your lives.

• Continue to be committed to each other and celebrate your sense of commitment.

• Like one another and be friends with each other.

• Have fun together, laugh together, and use humor in healthy ways.

• Comfort, encourage, and affirm one another.

• Be able to stand on your own feet as a couple and not be dependent either financially or emotionally on either of your parents.

• Respect one another's need for privacy and space.

• Parent together.

• Deal with a crisis and adversity together.

• Fight fair.

• Accept your differences and don't try to change your spouse.

• Keep romance alive in your marriage.

HOW TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE LAST, Nov. 5, 2012

12 WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE

• Be honest.

• Support one another's goals and achievements.

• Respect each other.

• Take time to share dreams and goals on a regular basis with your spouse.

• Consider daily dialogue as a means of improving your communication.

• Laugh together at least once a day.

• Fight fair.

• Be willing to forgive.

• Remember kindness towards each other is a great gift.

• Share your daily expectations.

• Make decisions about finances, disciplining the children, chores, vacations, etc., together.

• Take time to be alone together working on your intimacy. Schedule dates or romantic getaways.

 

HOW TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE LAST

HOW TO MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE LAST

Every marriage needs help now and then, both during the good times and when things become difficult. Here are issues that impact marriages and skills to help you deal with those issues and problems in healthy ways. Remember that most problems have solutions. Don't ignore the problems and issues in your marriage. If your marriage is in trouble, get started and make the necessary changes together that will help your marriage be a successful, long lasting union.

For your marriage to last many years, it is important that you show your love for one another on a regular basis.

That means daily, weekly, monthly, and yearly, taking a few minutes, even seconds, to put your spouse first on your priority list.

DAILY:

Spend at least 10 minutes a day focused on one another without the distraction of your kids, the TV, the phone, etc.

Kiss your spouse in the morning, before leaving the house, when you go to bed, and several other times during the day and evening.

Say I Love You.

Hug your spouse several times each day.

Affirm something your spouse said or did and say something nice.

Be kind to your spouse.

Do something caring and romantic for your spouse.

Don't criticize your spouse.

Laugh together.

WEELY:

Hide some love notes for your spouse.

Do a few things together, like working in the yard, taking a walk, watching a favorite movie, or planning and cooking dinner.

Encourage both yourself and your spouse to have some alone time.

MONTHLY:

Plan and have a date night with one another.

YEARLY:

Celebrate your anniversary. Write a letter to each other recommitting yourselves to your marriage.

Decide together how you will celebrate holidays.

 Make a big deal about your birthdays.

GENERAL:

Fight fair.

 Don't try to change your spouse.

 Be willing to forgive.

 Don't expect your spouse to be a mind reader and don't try to be a mind reader.

Consider attending a marriage enrichment weekend or workshop.

Accept that there will be some small issues that you two will never resolve and that it is normal in successful marriages.

 We are just getting started with this series.  I’m so excited about this one.  It will be very in-depth and soul-searching.  So, definitely make notes about how you can start strengthening your marriage today!

~Maria

 

JEALOUSY SERIES, DAY 6:

FINAL DAY OF OUR JEALOUSY SERIES

How Can a Couple Handle Jealousy?

 Can jealousy be overcome? The answer is yes, but with great effort. Like most other difficult emotional experiences, jealousy, if treated correctly, can be a trigger for growth. It can become the first step in increased self-awareness and greater understanding both of your mate and of the relationship.

  •Admit your jealous behavior and accept that your jealousy is hurting your marriage.

 •Discuss the roots of your or your spouse's jealous feelings.

 •Don't spy on your spouse.

 •As a jealous spouse, make a decision to change your behavior. You may need to get individual counseling.

•Realize you can't control someone else.

 •Together, set fair ground rules that you can both live with.

 •If you are the non-jealous partner, don't lie or try to hide where you are or what you are doing.

 •Seek professional help as a couple.

 

 

JEALOUSY SERIES, DAY 5:

What are the Consequences of Irrational Jealousy in Marriage?

 For those who experience abnormal jealousy, the emotion sets up a self-fulfilling prophecy. As their associates try to avoid them, their worst fears of losing love and respect are realized.

 •Resentment.

 •Increased lack of trust.

 •Anger.

 •Defensiveness.

 •More arguments.

 •Need for continual reassurance.

 •Depression.

 •Desire for revenge.

 •Constant questioning.

 •Physical reactions such as trembling, feeling dizzy, change in sleep patterns, and a change in eating habits.

•End of your marriage.

 

 People who feel secure and like themselves tend to be less jealous of others and less possessive of their partners, while those who have experienced abandonment or betrayal in their lives can become overwhelmed with jealousy ... If you feel jealous, or if your partner does, it doesn’t matter. Eventually, jealousy will erode your relationship and destroy your marriage ... Jealousy is a way to exert control in a relationship ... Getting control of your jealousy does not mean getting control of your partner, it means getting a handle on your own emotions.

JEALOUSY SERIES, DAY 4

JEALOUSY SERIES, DAY 4:

WHY ARE PEOPLE JEALOUS?

Why are People Jealous?

  Jealousy can be caused by many factors.

 •Unrealistic expectations about marriage in general.

 •Unrealistic expectations about your relationship with your spouse.

 •A misguided sense of ownership of your spouse.

 •Hurtful experience of abandonment in the past.

 •Poor self-image.

 •Insecurity.

 •Fear of being abandoned or betrayed.

 •Fear of losing someone or something important to them.

 •Intense possessiveness.

 •A desire to control.

Do you see any of these characteristics in yourself?   Examine yourself, not your spouse and determine if any of these pertain to you.  What can you do to change any of this?  Do you think you even NEED to change any of these things?

Let’s get this discussion going.  We can all learn from one another.  Share your experiences.  You can comment anonymously.

~Maria

 

JEALOUSY SERIES, DAY 3:

JEALOUSY SERIES, DAY 3:

What do jealous people feel? 

What Do Jealous People Feel?

 A. Jealous individuals experience a multitude of feelings including fear, anger, humiliation, sense of failure, feeling suspicious, threatened, rage, grief, worry, envy, sadness, doubt, pain, and self-pity.

Jealousy keeps us under a sense of discouraging frustration and disappointment. It makes us gloomy. It is such a depressing feeling that we cannot tell about it to even our best friends nor can we contain it within ourselves. Consequently, it leaves us with an inconvenience of a peculiar misery and if allowed to grow unchecked beyond a limit, it works like a slow poison to our healthy nature.

Is this you?  Search yourself and ask yourself: Am I fearful?  Am I angry?  Am I a failure?  Do I have feelings of envy?

Leave your comments below.  You can do this anonymously.  Let’s talk about this.

~Maria

 

JEALOUSY SERIES, DAY 2:

IS JEALOUSY NATURAL?

 

Is Jealousy Natural?

 In relationships where feelings of jealousy are mild and occasional, it reminds the couple not to take each other for granted. It can encourage couples to appreciate each other and make a conscious effort to make sure the other person feels valued ... Jealousy heightens emotions, making love feel stronger and sex more passionate. In small, manageable doses, jealousy can be a positive force in a relationship. But when it's intense or irrational, the story is very different ... Occasional jealousy is natural and can keep a relationship alive, but when it becomes intense or irrational it can seriously damage a relationship.

Darrell & I have jealous “streaks” on occasion.  It’s true that it does remind me how special I am to him.  I, also, have jealous “spurts”.   It is natural when it’s in small doses & not extreme.  Don’t feel bad if you have jealous tendencies.  Express it to your significant other, discuss it & move on.  Do not let it fester and blow up in your face!  Don’t let it become too serious before you address it.  At the same time, don’t let it be irrational or unwarranted.  That will just drive a wedge between the two of you.

Thanks for reading today’s question.  Leave any comments or questions below!  Tomorrow’s question:  What do jealous people feel?

 

Jealousy Series: 10/23/12

 

Today, we are beginning a series titled "Jealousy In A Marriage".  I realize this will be a very touchy subject for many.  But, it must be addressed.  We hope to help you overcome jealousy in marriage.  Let's get started.

 

We will have an question and answer session, if you will.  Please join in our conversation.  We can all benefit from the testimonials from others.

 

Day 1:

 

What is Jealousy?

 

A.  Jealousy is a reaction to a perceived threat -- real or imagined -- to a valued relationship or to its quality. A nationwide survey of marriage counselors indicates that jealousy is a problem in one third of all couples coming for marital therapy.

A little jealousy is reassuring and may even be programmed into us. It’s very common. A lot of jealousy is scary, and has driven people to some very dangerous behavior. There’s no reason to believe that jealousy will improve with time or marriage ... Because jealousy goes right to the core of the self and its roots are deep, it is not something that can be banished by wishful thinking.

Whether you are the jealous partner or whether your spouse is the jealous one, irrational jealousy can eventually destroy your marriage.

So, today....think long and hard about this subject.  Are you the jealous partner?  Is your spouse?  If you have overcome jealousy in your marriage, share with us how you did it and how you benefitted from it.

TOMORROW:  Is Jealousy natural?

Thanks for taking the time out to read my blog.  Hopefully, you will benefit and improve your marriages along the way.  Until tomorrow friends.....

 

 

 

Today's Marriage Minutes with Maria:



What Makes Marriage Worthwhile?

* Mutual commitment and faith in God.

* We love each other and are best friends who inspire each
   other and stand together through the difficult times.

* We like each other, we let each other be ourselves,
   and we work together well.

* The support we give to each other during the good times
   and the not-so-good times.

 

 

The more you work as a "team", the closer you will become.  Darrell & I do almost everything together.....be it life decisions, financial matters, kids' activities....even chores around the house.  We are very close & I firmly believe it is because we tackle everything together.  Try to be closer to your spouse by doing more things together!

 

 

 

THOMAS CHARLES FULCHER

Eleven years ago, today, at 1:03 p.m., I gave birth to the most perfect litte blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy!  Thomas Charles Fulcher.....Charles is after my dad.  We had narrowed it down to either Thomas or Samuel.  We let Dalton pick between the two.  Obviously, Thomas won out.  He was a scheduled C-Section because he was breach.  The mid-wife tried several times to turn him the week previous to his birth.  My doctor decided that when we went in for surgery, we could try again if I wanted to.  Something told me to not bother & just proceed with the C-Section.  So, we did.  And, thank goodness we did!  When the doctor lifted him out, he realized the cord was around his neck several times.  This is why he couldn't stay turned down the previous week.  The cord was pulling him back breach.  And, had we tried to turn him before surgery and deliver him vaginally, he surely would have been choked by his own cord.  It was the most horrible recovery.  But, he was perfect in every way & I'd do it a million times over again!  This child has been the light of everyone's life that he has touched.  He greets everyone and I mean EVERYONE with a hug.  He is loving, kind & caring for the all the lives he enters.  He is bright & continues to amaze us all with his huge love for reading!  He loves soccer and archery.  He is also quite the comedian!  Today, I want to wish my precious child, Thomas Charles Fulcher, a Happy 11th Birthday!  We all love you so much, Tom-Tom!

Love always,
Mommy

 

Marriage Minutes with Maria <3

Today's Marriage Minutes for Maria



After the Honeymoon
Keeping your love alive...

* Keep talking
* Keep your relationship off the back burner
* Find a few things to love in your spouse
* Get rid of potential wedges in your relationship

Good Read!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jill-brooke/is-lust-ever-worth-breaki_b_1666642.html?icid=maing-grid7%7Caim%7Cdl18%7Csec3_lnk1%26pLid%3D183530

Marriage Minutes with Maria <3


Four Things to do after a Serious or
Long-Lasting Conflict

* Apologize
* Remind him/her that you admire and respect him/her
* Show your regret
* Demonstrate pain
* Ask for forgiveness
Darrell & I have very few disagreements...but, they do come.  When they do, we apologize almost immediately & move on.  We demonstrage regret for the silly pettiness of the disagreement.  We let the other know how much it may have hurt us & we always ask for forgiveness.